You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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