When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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