i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
