There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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