he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
