Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
