By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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