I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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