just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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