I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
