I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
