When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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