I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
