she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
