I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
