How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sorry my hands just texted you
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
