Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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