it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
