Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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