i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
