I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize