Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
