oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i've created a new STD.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
