there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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