I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
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Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
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I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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