When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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