We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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