Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
