so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need to wash the frat house off of me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Success! We fucked roommates!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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