im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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