im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
