Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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