And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
