You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I touched a dick in church today
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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