He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
