Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
