I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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