So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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