So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
