those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
