if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
