Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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