Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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