the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i believe in u and ur pee
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
