Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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