shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
