i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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