My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
