her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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