Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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