I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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