Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
