i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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