and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
