you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
