is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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