have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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