i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
