it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
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I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
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This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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