ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We left the knife in your bed.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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