Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
