Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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