I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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