onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
