i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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