I wish I could teleport
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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