help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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